"I Thought You Had Your S*** Together"

August and September 2016 have been rough for me. I've had some pretty difficult, life-changing things happening and as a result, I tightened up my Facebook privacy for a time. I wanted to feel free to use my personal FB page to be real. To share my challenges as well and my blessings in a way that I wouldn't have to "edit" myself for the public.

As a person who wears my heart on my sleeve, the people who remained on my friend list were able to see exactly what I was thinking and feeling at any given moment. In the beginning, it was a lot of rough stuff. I was feeling lost, hopeless, and very down. But as the days went on I was able to see how God was using all of it to shape me.

One day, I got a surprise FB message from someone who I had considered a friend. She is a fellow Christian aspiring writer who had contacted me years ago for some Christian writing advice. We became friends and  I let her in my inner-circle, even made her a beta reader for me. However, I removed her from that circle awhile back due to something that happened between us. I removed her to protect my heart using my boundaries. I forgave her and didn't kick her out of my life completely, just used my boundaries more wisely. People show you where they belong in your life. All you have to do is watch and listen.

Here is the message she sent me:

Okay, the moment I read it, I went back and looked at my wall to see what I had been putting out there, to see if there was too much negativity and I will be honest, there was some. But there was also a lot of hope. Typical me would have taken that message to heart and been very hurt, but because of the boundaries I had applied to this person, I was able to just blow it off.

But I wanted to use it, dissect it on this blog to share a few things that I think people, especially Christians, should be more cognizant of as they express themselves to others.

1) "I really thought you had all your shit together"
There is a very incorrect perception of Christians that the fact we are Christian means "we have our shit together".  This is laughable. The truth is, being a Christian is all about NOT having our shit together. I for one need Jesus BECAUSE I am far from having my shit together. Yes, I fall apart. Yes, I fail. Yes, my life can be overwhelming and frustrating. Yes, I behave poorly at times. Yes, I find it hard to trust God sometimes when things are hard. But my faith in God assures me that I don't HAVE to have all my shit together. He's got it in His hands. I am so grateful for that.

2) "even with all of your SUPPOSED mental health issues"
The word 'supposed' indicates that this person has some qualms about whether my issues are real or not. To that I say, wow. I do not need to prove anything to anyone. I am open about my mental health issues for the purpose of education, and letting others know they are not alone in the world. That is my choice to be open about and it is my hope that someday the shame that goes a long with mental health troubles can be lessened.

3) "I'm realizing now that you don't"
Um, duh. Yeah, if you have the perception that ANYONE in the world doesn't have issues - you're delusional. There may be people out there who pretend really well, but guess what... it's pretend. Everyone has problems. Everyone has issues. I choose to share mine and be open about them for the purpose of helping others who deal with similar. God actually calls us to do this in the Bible:

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16

James 5:16 is one of my life verses and I will continue to share myself with others, especially my sins and failures, until the day I die.

4) "I can't handle all of the negativity and depression you bring with you"
I can absolutely understand this! Negativity spreads and if someone is constantly negative, it can suck the life out of you. If I am causing someone to feel heaviness, then by all means... delete me! PLEASE! The Bible says this:

Above all else, guard your heart  Proverbs 4:23

Guarding your heart in this way is something that can be done quietly. Why not delete and move on? In my opinion, sending a message like this has one purpose: to cause pain. Purposely causing pain to someone is not an act of friendship or love. It is selfish and unnecessary if your goal is to guard your heart. And just for fun, I would like to share with you the posts on my wall from that day so you can tell me if you think I was being overly negative.

5) "I wish you the best and I will be praying for you... I will pray for you that you find a way to become a stronger person."
Okay, so this is a huge peeve of mine. HUGE! I call it "Biblical Weaponry", using the Bible or your prayer life to insult someone. If you are earnest in wanting to pray for someone, you do not need to tell them about it. You just do it. And if you are earnest, you certainly don't want to insult them if you DO choose to tell them about your intention to pray for them. In my opinion, Biblical Weapontry is one of the ways the devil tries to divide God from His creations. If satan can get you to wield a Biblical dagger, he succeeds in perpetuating the hypocritical vision much of the world has of Christians.

6) "I wish you the best and I will be praying for you... I will pray for you that you find a way to become a stronger person."
Lastly, when I look back at my life and all the things I've been through, I am aware that I am one of the strongest people to have walked the planet BUT I am also aware that that strength is not my own. It is God within me. I myself am weak, very weak. And I like it that way. It is not my goal to be a strong person. It is my goal to let God lead me with His strength through my weakness. The world thinks that weakness is bad and strength is good but in my opinion, the world is wrong. It takes great strength to be weak.

He must become greater; I must become less.  John 3:30

In closing, I just want to say I am proud of myself for not letting what this person said to me upset me. Yes, I forgive her. No, I'm not planning to let her back within my boundaries system. Sometimes the best way we can choose to love someone is to love them from far away.

MIND BLOWN by a Christian's Response...

If you are easily offended by very off-color remarks about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit you will want to skip this blog entry. I mean it. Skip it. If you don't skip it and you should have, you can't blame me. I'm just saying.

I recently made a post in a public forum that was a controversial discussion of Christian fiction authors including sex in their books. There was an overwhelming negativity and judgment of Christian authors who do this so I wanted to weigh in. Here is what I said...

"I write realistic stories about the messy world we live in and I let my characters work through the issues in a moral way. For me, my morals are based in Christianity - but I don't write about perfection. I write about messes and how to heal. If you're interested here is my website www.wendyoleston.com   All Christians sin, Christians make mistakes, Christians even make BIG mistakes. Christians have sex... watch porn... do drugs... and God still loves them. That's what I write about - not to glorify it but to give hope to the broken and help them find the way to healing."

Not too long after I posted, I received a few responses.

One older Catholic male simply said, "I'll pass, thanks..."
I can respect that. Thank you Kevin B***. I have no problem with your response.

However... this OTHER gentleman who was offended by the idea of sex within a Christian book responded. He is one of those brave people who makes witty responses without using his name... but you see, I figured out how to find out who these brave people really are... so I know who he is and let me tell you, Fred M***... you should be ashamed of yourself.

Here is what anonymous Fred said...
"How about a gangbang with the Three Persons in God nailing Mary?"

MIND BLOWN!

Let me just spell this out for you in case you haven't caught what I just tossed at you...

Brave Fred, is offended by Christians who write about sex.
But brave Fred was comfortable saying THAT horrible thing.

MIND BLOWN!

I've been reading up on this subject, Christianity and sex, and let me tell you - it's ugly. I don't think I've ever seen Christians look more hideous and I'm embarrassed for them... for not seeing the hypocrisy in their nastiness. It saddens me greatly.

I really have nothing else to say except this...

Please forgive them, they know not what they do.

How Can You Call Yourself a Christian Author When Your Life is So Screwed Up

How can I call myself a Christian author when my life is so screwed up... my past especially, but my present is far from perfect now.

No, no one actually SAID this to me but I was recently attacked by someone who obviously feels this way. I get it. I do... however, this is the biggest misconception of Christianity out there, that just because a person calls themselves a Christian, they are perfect.

I wrote a blog about this very subject not too long ago so I am going to point to that:

FLAWED

Within this attack on me, I was called a few very unkind names and scripture was used a weapon against me. Again, I get it.

Yes, as a Christian, I am a walking breathing reflection of Jesus and I should keep that in mind as I walk through my day and get pounded with temptation. Because I am an OPEN Christian, this is especially true. My mistakes look bad on Him, and they breed hypocrisy. Does my inability to perfectly reflect Jesus mean I shouldn't be an open Christian? Should I hide my faith simply because I will mostly certainly disappoint God or the neighborhood? I could... but it is my choice to press on, stand firm on my God, and trust that He is bigger than my failures. If I screw up someone's perception of Christianity because of my own behavior, He can handle fixing it with that person. I choose to look at the people who might be impacted positively instead of the ones who might be turned away.

My failures as a Christian are between God and I, sometimes they require apologies to people which I am well aware of and very driven to offer when necessary. I also know that someone else's name calling and Bible verse weaponry are between them and God. I do not expect an apology yet I choose to forgive, learn, and move on, none-the-less.

THAT is how I can call myself a Christian author when my life is so screwed up.

Blessings on your day!

SEEDS: God Wouldn't Lead Anyone To Infidelity

Recently my book SEEDS received several reviews from some ladies who I feel have completely missed the point of the book. The general theme of their very short feedback was this:

"God wouldn't lead anyone to infidelity as an answer."

*SIGH*

Okay, let me try to respond to this the most simple way possible.

SEEDS is about sexual sin and it's ramifications.
Infidelity is a sexual sin.
God does not condone infidelity or ANY sexual sin.
The book does not condone infidelity.
In the book, God speaks to 4 characters directly, telling them their wrong and the way to freedom.
In the book, 3 of the character's do not listen and choose to do their own thing.
The infidelity in the book is a result of the character's doing their own thing and not listening to God.
Therefore, God did not lead the character's to infidelity as an answer to anything.
The infidelity is a sexual sin, one with consequences.

Okay with all that said, I will say what I said to my Sunday school class of 2nd and 3rd graders this past weekend as we studied the parable of the Seed and the Sower (which is the parable SEEDS is loosely based on), God drops the seed... sometimes it gets stolen, sometimes it doesn't root quite right, sometimes we reject it, and sometimes we get it right... but most importantly, God is a loving God who never gives up on us. He has more than enough seeds to continue dropping into our soil for as long as it takes for us to get it. God gives second, third, fourth, fifteenth... how ever many chances it takes. Just keep trying.

We all sin. Some of us sin sexually through premarital sex, pornography, and yes... even infidelity... no, God does not lead any of us to those sins and say, "Hey, you should do THIS," but let's face it - they happen because we are sinners. What my book was SUPPOSED to say is this...

God loves us despite our sexual sin and it's never too late to get on board with His will. Sometimes, it's too late to fix things with a spouse or loved one... but it's never too late to fix things with God.

As Christians, we are called to love the sinner and hate the sin. I hate to tell you this, but if you decided to despise all of the people who have committed adultery... you'd probably be a very lonely person. Instead of looking down at them for their confusion over their need to be loved, why not do what God does and love them despite it. Loving them doesn't mean you condone their behavior. I know it's hard... but none of us are walking on water.

UPDATE: It turns out the reviews I wrote this blog in response to were not actually real reviews of people who read my book Seeds. Instead, they were a personal attack on me for a personal reason. I am aware of who did it and why. Six months ago I made an apology to this person and gave them an explanation for my strange behavior. Those of you who know me know I suffer with some mental illnesses and sometimes I behave strangely - or even do things I don't remember fully. I shared this about myself and expressed my sincere apologies but obviously, my apology was not accepted. All I can say is, I really am sorry. I am flawed. I don't claim to be anything but flawed. It is times like this I am baffled by the love the Lord has for me... me... a messed up sinner who screws up... yet, He does love me. I am so very thankful for that love. A love I do not deserve yet can always count on. I'm glad I have a God who knows my heart, knows my truth, forgives without a second thought and won't write a mean review of me even when I deserve it.

SEEDS: I Hate Your Characters

I got a message from a reader that said this:

"I hate Cory. I hate Blaine. I hate Joni. I hate Holden. I hated all of them. Hate them and you have lost a reader."

I found this funny for a two reason:

First of all, there are four stories and seven main characters. All of the stories are about the reality of sexual sin. Sin is ugly so, yeah... if you clearly know the line between right and wrong... you weren't SUPPOSED to LIKE what they were doing. Most of the characters were behaving really badly but I wrote it for a purpose... to show the ramifications, not to glorify it. So to that comment I say, "Bravo... you have a decent moral compass. Congrats!"

Secondly and MOST IMPORTANTLY, the main moral of the story, the one I really wanted the reader to catch was this: As Christians it is our job to HATE the sin yet LOVE the sinner. Yep, it's hard... but that is what we are called to do as Christians. Choosing to HATE a particular sin to the point that you HATE the sinner is not bringing glory to God, at all. Christians (who are ALL sinners) who do this make other people (who are ALL sinners) not want to embrace Christ. Think about it!

This reader obviously missed the point entirely since she felt so much hatred for fictional character (not even real people) that she HAD to message me to let me know how displeased she was.

*SIGH*

I tried.

CONCEPTIONS: For Being Christian, It's Funny

I had a scene I was working on for "Conceptions" and I thought it was really funny. I wanted to get some opinions from some of my readers so I asked a few people to read it. One of the ladies was a non-Christian.

NC Lady: "For being a Christian book, it was funny but not laugh out loud funny.

Me: "Wait... what? 'For being Christian...' what does THAT mean?"

NC Lady: "I just mean that... Christians don't really have a good sense of humor..."

I think I would have rather her just tell me it sucked as I find this to be extremely hurtful. Christians don't have a good sense of humor? I want to thank all those pious Christians out there for ruining society's idea of who and what we are. THANKS for pretending to be perfect so we all look like a bunch of boring slugs.

I will have you know, Christians are JUST LIKE everyone else. We laugh, we cry, we fail, we curse, we yell, we fail, we try, we fall, we sin, we get back up and try again, and yes... some of us are very funny, despite being CHRISTIAN.

Most importantly... when we try and fail... we are forgiven when we ask to be. It's actually a pretty good deal. I have no complaints, especially since I'm allowed to laugh.

That is all.

SEEDS: Christians Don't Have Affairs

Here is a conversation I had with a Christian in response to my book Seeds.

Person: "You shouldn't classify your book Seeds as Christian fiction because it is obvious you wrote it for the secular world."

Me: "Why do you think that?"

Person: "Well, the book has an affair in it..."

Me: "Yes, it does."

Person: "The only people who have affairs are secular people. Christians don't have affairs."

Me:  ***Can't respond, overcome with loud laughter and a few unintentional snorts***

Okay people... this is insane! Christians don't have affairs... are you KIDDING me? Of course Christians have affairs... Christians do all sorts of things they aren't supposed to do! Does that make it right? NO! Does it make it okay? NO! It makes us imperfect... it makes us need forgiveness but guess what: God is a forgiving, loving God.

While Seeds does have an affair in it, it does not glorify this behavior. It shows it as the sin it is. I included an affair in the book because the book is ABOUT sexual sin. If it happens in the real world... expect me to write about it.

That is all.

SEEDS: How Dare You!!

Today I received a message on my Facebook author page from a person who called themself a "Good Christian". This was in response to my book Seeds.

"How dare you write a book with a homosexual character and call it Christian Fiction. Stay in secular where you belong, no real Christians want to read your work!" 

Thank you for sharing your intolerance with me... if you are a "Good Christian" then I long to be an EXCELLENT Christian. All kidding aside, Jesus gave us a new command... John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

I choose to live my life as best I can under the new command!

Blessings...
Wendy